Here's a little glimpse into my head from March 3, 2014
I'm fat and I'm a little bit angry.
I'm pretty much in love with my body. It can do so much that it couldn't do years ago. And if I am able to continue what I am doing now for years, it will continue to surprise me and reciprocate the love that I have given it over my lifetime. Sometimes, I get disappointed or angry with it, but like any long-term, committed relationship, it usually comes right back to love and respect.
Also, and thank goodness for this, I didn't grow up in a body-dysmorphic family culture where girls are encouraged not to eat too much, or to worry so much about their appearance that it blocks them from being who they are. I am so thankful for this.
So this post is for all you haters out there. And let me apologize on BEHALF OF YOU to YOUR BODY, for you projecting your own insecurity and feeling of inadequacy on others. I don't typically waste mental energy caring about what other people think of me or other fat people. But sometimes, the hating comes in waves and it has to be dealt with. I don't always have a snarky comeback, but some level of snark is definitely deserved, even if it comes days or weeks later. Here are some things that people have said to me, either to my face or behind my back, or to others along with some of my actual or imagined responses:
For as much as you work out you should be thinner, don't you think?
No, why?
Because you have some preconceived notion and idea of what it means to be fit and flippin' fabulous?
Because you haven't bothered to get off the couch?
Don't get me started.
You run too much. All you do is run. You run in the woods. You run in the rain. You run in ALASKA. Do you ever think about doing anything else?
Yeah. Like, I work. I raise my kid (along with my hubby.) I read. I write. I travel. And yeah, I run because I like doing it. Have you not found something that you love doing whenever possible? Something that nourishes you and renews you? No? Sorry but not sorry.
You might wanna stop running so much. For a big girl like you, you may be better off on the elliptical or like, playing tennis.
Why are you so concerned? Last time I checked, getting any exercise is better than getting no exercise. Do you know what's more dangerous on the knees and heart? Not doing anything. And by the way, my joints are just fine. But my brain hurts trying to explain basic shit to you.
Wait. You're black.
Not this again, and yep, I am.
Guess what black folk? White people don't own the outdoors. No one does, in fact, except for Mother Nature. No one owns your health and well-being, except for you. I'm really sick and tired of black people from ALL socioeconomic strata saying to me or to others who spend considerable time outdoors, "WE don't run in the woods. You know, because of..." Because of WHAT? Have we forgotten who our ancestors were and how they lived?
What part of health are we not understanding? Have you looked around lately and noticed that we are DROPPING LIKE FLIES (and I mean dropping dead) because of heart attacks, complications with diabetes, hypertension, and general obesity related illnesses? So why berate ANYONE who is out there doing their thing, fighting preconceived notions about what it is to be black and to be healthy? Let's get out of this mindset. It's not only hurting us, it's killing us.
Read this for further commentary.
Don't you feel weird going into a gym-you know, cuz everyone's a size zero and you're not?
Thanks for pointing out the obvious. So perceptive of you.
What gym do YOU go to? That apparently is not my gym because although my gym has its share of meat-heads, there are tons of different body types, goals, people, sizes. Dud/ette, get out of your house. And another thing, when I walk into the gym, I OWN IT. I rock those machines. I have a good time and don't EVER worry about haters like you.
Wow, you're really hungry.
Yep. That would be because I just ran 20 miles. What did YOU do today? Right.
Also, I love food, and I'm not going to let you make me feel bad about enjoying and partaking in nourishment. Unlike a lot of people, I don't starve myself to fool people into believing that I care about what they think about my body. Never been a part of who I am, and sorry for you, never will be. Next topic.
And this:
Have you gained weight?
Let me say this: It is never a good idea, in fact it's downright inappropriate to ask someone IF THEY'VE GAINED WEIGHT unless you're their WEIGHT LOSS SPECIALIST. Or someone who has embarked on a weight-loss mission with them. It is never your right to ask something so personal or potentially devastating no matter what your relationship. And also, comments about what a person eats. Same rules apply.
You run really slowly.
Yep. But have you done a marathon? Yeah, didn't think so. Next comment. (Even if you have run a marathon, why are you concerned about my pace? How does it affect your life? It doesn't, right? Moving on...)
This one was from a woman I sat next too on the Super Shuttle to the cruise terminal in Seattle. We had started up a conversation about what cruises we were doing, etc...
Well, how many marathons have you done? (I have now done 7 marathons and 7 ultras as of May 2016)
Four so far, plus an ultramarathon. I'm hoping to do many more. I really like marathons.
Well I've run over 150 marathons all over the world. You'll get tired of them soon enough. So what else are you doing to lose weight?
Um, I'm not really trying to lose weight. I just love to run.
Oh...um....
I really have no comment for this, except for, it made me a little sad.
One more thing. I'll let the screen-shot speak for itself:
Here's my final commentary to all you haters out there:
There are many of us dealing with the repercussions of a fat-shaming society. We don't need YOU to remind us that we
1) are not an idealized version of what a human is supposed to look like according to unattainable and simply unrealistic beauty/being standards.
2) don't look like the Nike models or the Fit Magazine models when we are working out and doing our thang. We don't care, but why do you care so much?
Just because we're working out, running, or god forbid doing Zumba, it does not mean that we have a problem with our body image. When you allude to that in your thinly veiled criticism masquerading as compliments, it simply means that YOU have a problem with YOUR body image. Get some help.
In the end, we love ourselves and our bodies. Maybe not all of us are fully aware of this, but we do. If we didn't love our bodies, we wouldn't be doing this.
That's all.
I'm fat and I'm a little bit angry.
Also, and thank goodness for this, I didn't grow up in a body-dysmorphic family culture where girls are encouraged not to eat too much, or to worry so much about their appearance that it blocks them from being who they are. I am so thankful for this.
So this post is for all you haters out there. And let me apologize on BEHALF OF YOU to YOUR BODY, for you projecting your own insecurity and feeling of inadequacy on others. I don't typically waste mental energy caring about what other people think of me or other fat people. But sometimes, the hating comes in waves and it has to be dealt with. I don't always have a snarky comeback, but some level of snark is definitely deserved, even if it comes days or weeks later. Here are some things that people have said to me, either to my face or behind my back, or to others along with some of my actual or imagined responses:
For as much as you work out you should be thinner, don't you think?
No, why?
Because you have some preconceived notion and idea of what it means to be fit and flippin' fabulous?
Because you haven't bothered to get off the couch?
Don't get me started.
You run too much. All you do is run. You run in the woods. You run in the rain. You run in ALASKA. Do you ever think about doing anything else?
Yeah. Like, I work. I raise my kid (along with my hubby.) I read. I write. I travel. And yeah, I run because I like doing it. Have you not found something that you love doing whenever possible? Something that nourishes you and renews you? No? Sorry but not sorry.
You might wanna stop running so much. For a big girl like you, you may be better off on the elliptical or like, playing tennis.
Why are you so concerned? Last time I checked, getting any exercise is better than getting no exercise. Do you know what's more dangerous on the knees and heart? Not doing anything. And by the way, my joints are just fine. But my brain hurts trying to explain basic shit to you.
Wait. You're black.
Not this again, and yep, I am.
Guess what black folk? White people don't own the outdoors. No one does, in fact, except for Mother Nature. No one owns your health and well-being, except for you. I'm really sick and tired of black people from ALL socioeconomic strata saying to me or to others who spend considerable time outdoors, "WE don't run in the woods. You know, because of..." Because of WHAT? Have we forgotten who our ancestors were and how they lived?
What part of health are we not understanding? Have you looked around lately and noticed that we are DROPPING LIKE FLIES (and I mean dropping dead) because of heart attacks, complications with diabetes, hypertension, and general obesity related illnesses? So why berate ANYONE who is out there doing their thing, fighting preconceived notions about what it is to be black and to be healthy? Let's get out of this mindset. It's not only hurting us, it's killing us.
Read this for further commentary.
Don't you feel weird going into a gym-you know, cuz everyone's a size zero and you're not?
Thanks for pointing out the obvious. So perceptive of you.
What gym do YOU go to? That apparently is not my gym because although my gym has its share of meat-heads, there are tons of different body types, goals, people, sizes. Dud/ette, get out of your house. And another thing, when I walk into the gym, I OWN IT. I rock those machines. I have a good time and don't EVER worry about haters like you.
Wow, you're really hungry.
Yep. That would be because I just ran 20 miles. What did YOU do today? Right.
Also, I love food, and I'm not going to let you make me feel bad about enjoying and partaking in nourishment. Unlike a lot of people, I don't starve myself to fool people into believing that I care about what they think about my body. Never been a part of who I am, and sorry for you, never will be. Next topic.
And this:
Have you gained weight?
Let me say this: It is never a good idea, in fact it's downright inappropriate to ask someone IF THEY'VE GAINED WEIGHT unless you're their WEIGHT LOSS SPECIALIST. Or someone who has embarked on a weight-loss mission with them. It is never your right to ask something so personal or potentially devastating no matter what your relationship. And also, comments about what a person eats. Same rules apply.
You run really slowly.
Yep. But have you done a marathon? Yeah, didn't think so. Next comment. (Even if you have run a marathon, why are you concerned about my pace? How does it affect your life? It doesn't, right? Moving on...)
This one was from a woman I sat next too on the Super Shuttle to the cruise terminal in Seattle. We had started up a conversation about what cruises we were doing, etc...
Well, how many marathons have you done? (I have now done 7 marathons and 7 ultras as of May 2016)
Four so far, plus an ultramarathon. I'm hoping to do many more. I really like marathons.
Well I've run over 150 marathons all over the world. You'll get tired of them soon enough. So what else are you doing to lose weight?
Um, I'm not really trying to lose weight. I just love to run.
Oh...um....
I really have no comment for this, except for, it made me a little sad.
One more thing. I'll let the screen-shot speak for itself:
Here's my final commentary to all you haters out there:
There are many of us dealing with the repercussions of a fat-shaming society. We don't need YOU to remind us that we
1) are not an idealized version of what a human is supposed to look like according to unattainable and simply unrealistic beauty/being standards.
2) don't look like the Nike models or the Fit Magazine models when we are working out and doing our thang. We don't care, but why do you care so much?
Just because we're working out, running, or god forbid doing Zumba, it does not mean that we have a problem with our body image. When you allude to that in your thinly veiled criticism masquerading as compliments, it simply means that YOU have a problem with YOUR body image. Get some help.
In the end, we love ourselves and our bodies. Maybe not all of us are fully aware of this, but we do. If we didn't love our bodies, we wouldn't be doing this.
That's all.
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