I haven't been writing much lately. It's not that there isn't stuff to write about or that I don't want to write. It's that I can't seem to find the words to write about the biggest thing on my mind right now. It's that I can't seem to find it in me to write about other things when I all I can think about is this.
I worried when I wrote about my depression how I'd be judged, but I got over it because I felt it was important to put my story out there. This time, yes I worry that I will be judged, but even more so that he will be judged. I worry that my sweet little boy will be judged, and I'm not sure that's something I can handle.
I couldn't handle that, because I have the most wonderful little boy. I have the most wonderful little boy who doesn't deserve to be judged. He is sweet and affectionate. He is funny and articulate. He is sensitive and acutely aware of his surroundings. He's the one who spots the great blue heron flying in the distance and the turtle hiding in a shadowy pond. He completely throws himself into everything he does getting lost in elaborate imaginative play with pirates, superheros, princesses, parades, and more. He makes piles and piles of books to read and sits seemingly forever while we read them. His favorite color is pink, and he makes up songs about random things throughout the day. He loves to learn and has always been the first kid at circle time for any organized activity we've ever done. He plays a good game of UNO and is a fabulous sous chef. He adores puddles, mud, and climbing trees. He runs laps around the outside of our house trying to beat his fastest time. He is a bundle of joy, energy, love, and cuddles.
And that's why I knew he was right when I laid in bed with him last night after a difficult evening and found myself unable to stop the tears.... he snuggled in and told me, "mama, maybe we just have to try harder."
So today, I will take a deep breath, shake it off, and remember why trying harder is the only option.
I worried when I wrote about my depression how I'd be judged, but I got over it because I felt it was important to put my story out there. This time, yes I worry that I will be judged, but even more so that he will be judged. I worry that my sweet little boy will be judged, and I'm not sure that's something I can handle.
I couldn't handle that, because I have the most wonderful little boy. I have the most wonderful little boy who doesn't deserve to be judged. He is sweet and affectionate. He is funny and articulate. He is sensitive and acutely aware of his surroundings. He's the one who spots the great blue heron flying in the distance and the turtle hiding in a shadowy pond. He completely throws himself into everything he does getting lost in elaborate imaginative play with pirates, superheros, princesses, parades, and more. He makes piles and piles of books to read and sits seemingly forever while we read them. His favorite color is pink, and he makes up songs about random things throughout the day. He loves to learn and has always been the first kid at circle time for any organized activity we've ever done. He plays a good game of UNO and is a fabulous sous chef. He adores puddles, mud, and climbing trees. He runs laps around the outside of our house trying to beat his fastest time. He is a bundle of joy, energy, love, and cuddles.
And that's why I knew he was right when I laid in bed with him last night after a difficult evening and found myself unable to stop the tears.... he snuggled in and told me, "mama, maybe we just have to try harder."
So today, I will take a deep breath, shake it off, and remember why trying harder is the only option.
ความคิดเห็น
แสดงความคิดเห็น